Processing a Terrorist’s Death

As someone who is used to talking with kids about tough issues, Director Jon Mattleman offered this advice about handling the news of Osama bin Laden’s death: Talk to them, but just as important, listen.

“Parents need to talk to kids about it,” Mattleman said Monday afternoon, as news of the spread around the world. “They’re hearing about it in school; they’re hearing about it from their friends.”

Depending on their age, kids may hear about bin Laden’s death in different ways. Some in the younger grades may not have been born when the Twin Towers came down on Sept. 11, 2001, and today’s news may or may not mean anything to them personally. upperclassmen were six, seven or eight years old at the time, and they may recall the events of 9/11 more clearly.

However Needham residents remember it, the town experienced personal loss that day, as two of its own—Lisa Fenn Gordenstein, 41, and David E. Retik, 33—were killed in the attacks.

But Mattleman said the message of bin Laden’s death could be confusing to kids.

“On one hand, we want to raise kids to be non-violent and respectful,” he said.

But with images of jubilant Americans cheering across the country at this man’s death appearing on television screens, in newspapers and on the Web, there is also another message being heard: that a wrong has been righted and that, at least in this case, killing is just.

“A good place to start is to say, ‘What are you hearing?’, to solicit an opinion and to be respectful and to acknowledge it,” Mattleman said. “It’s important for parents to be good listeners.”

He suggested adults ask kids about their thoughts on the news and then discuss it in whatever way they and the child feels comfortable—whether from a personal, religious or spiritual viewpoint.

“It’s important to have the conversation and then to say, ‘You know what, we talked for a little bit about it. I want to think about what you said and how you’re feeling, and let’s talk again in half an hour or an hour, even tomorrow.’ Give everyone a chance to process things,” Mattleman said.

Children also may be concerned when they hear people talk about retaliation or a stepping up of security in light of bin Laden’s death.

“We also want to make sure that this issue—that some people feel we’re under greater risk now as Americans from terrorists because of this—is addressed, because some kids may be hearing that we’ve done this but that it raises our risk,” Mattleman said. “It’s important just to allay some of their fears and express to them that we’re watching, we’re caring about each other and that we’re really being thoughtful about what we say and what we do and about our surroundings.”

Mattleman said he learned of bin Laden’s death when his son, a college student, called him.

“When I heard it, I felt a lot of emotions. Part was, thank goodness they’ve found him, and part was, well, we’ve killed someone, too,” he said. “I can really appreciate how people who’ve experienced this in a very personal way feel that a wrong had been righted. I can also understand from another point of view that we’re using violent means, and that can be confusing.”

For some, the news of bin Laden’s death may mirror big news days of the past.

“I had a parent say to me today that they felt like when Hitler was killed. It was the same sort of feeling that they think the people felt back then,” Mattleman said. “I certainly want to acknowledge that and appreciate that. On the other hand, there are other people who really are opposed to violence by any means.”

Whatever residents’ responses are, it is undeniable that this is a news story that has spread quickly and received quite a reaction—first with online reports, Twitter and Facebook updates coming in late Sunday night and then with all the country’s major news networks providing constant, in-depth coverage of the death throughout Monday, including scenes of crowds celebrating in the streets around the country.

“This certainly is a story which captured everyone’s attention,” Mattleman said. “I know that people want the details—how did we know this, what happened, how did he die, those sorts of things, just to try to understand it more. I think there’s a closure piece for some people that they’re really responding to. […] Now we’re putting this into our own personal perspectives about what this means for us and how we feel about it.”